It's been about a week since i last wrote in my blog...sadly i have this horrible thing called "work" that eats away at my soul and absorbs my every waking moment.
But, thankfully the creepers on the internet don't have frivilous things such as 'jobs' to keep them at occupied...
The Guilty: Allnighter013
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| (above caption courtesy of him) If pictures could talk: "don't mind me, i'm just chillin in my wife beater and overly straight yet crooked hat. And that arm...its not just flexed baby that's the way it is GANGSTA" |
The Offense:
alright, first let's take a look at his name "allnighter013" for some reason my brain goes to two places. First: I'm reminded of that night in undergrad where i realized there was a paper due on "The Communist Manifesto" at 8am the following morning and i didn't even read the book.
That was an all nighter.
And i would assume the number '13' would go with it very well because goddamn that paper sucked...and that book sucked too. Who would have thought for a little pamphlet that was like...40 pages it would take damn near all night and two packs of cigarettes to get through it (granted..i didn't know a damn thing i was reading but hey...'understanding' it was optional)
THE SECOND translation would be that he can partake in sexual intercourse for the duration of the night.
wow....i hope that's not true...and it's followed by the number '13'...so maybe that would mean that all night long we are trying to 'get it up' and it just ain't workin. Why the hell would i want that shit?
oh well, let's see what he wrote:
Subject: hi
Body: Hey how are you doing? btw I'm J___
P.S.
your a cutie
MY RESPONSE:
P.P.S. can't you form a complete thought? btw i dont like you.
and you used the wrong 'your'...jackass
and i dont like being called stupid ass names like 'cutie'.
UGHHHH...is it soooo hard to write a goddamn sentence? obviously for him it was pretty difficult to think of anything more complex than 'the cat in the hat'.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HIS PROFILE
...shall we?
let's see...it says he lives in Brooklyn, Hamptons, and NYC...impressive...he's omnipresent
he's 27 years old and a Catholic...and he's 'ACTIVELY SEEKING" a relationship. I guess writing women lame ass messages is pretty 'active'...i'll let him have that.
About me: I'm P.R. and have some Ital in me as well, damn proud of it too. I live & have a house out in the Hamptons but I'm a Queens Boy at heart, being that I was raised there and all. I also have a APT in Brooklyn near Williamsburg where I stay at from time to time. I'm more or less a down to Earth type of person. I guess you can call me a "Hopeless Romantic" just out to Enjoy Life and have Fun. Oh remember that Im Latin and Italian so I can get pretty Wild when the time is right ; ) You can almost always find me salsa dancing NAKED!! . . after a shower.. checking out da goods in my mirror.. Hey thats how I do..lol.. My friends tell me I'm funny as Hell at times but I don't see it, I'm just me. On my free time I like to chill with good friends, go to the movies, Eat tons of Ice Cream lol.,. its ok tho I do workout at least 3 times a week, eat pretty healthy and I even started drinking Protein shakes with 0grams of Fat and 50grams of protein "Thats right ****es".lol.. When the weather is nice you can find me Riding my baby A.K.A. motorcycle, kawasaki 1100. Love to going to the beach, playing sports like: baseball, handball and whatever...... If I have the time I do like to hit up a Lounge or club, once in a blue either in the Hamptons &/or NYC. I dislike when people are starting to tell me something and they say never mind, dont worry, or its not important.. Damn I hate that lol.,.
One more thing, for all you Wonderful Sweet ladies who say there are no good men left or out there... Please Listen to this: "GOOD Men are like apples on trees" The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most women don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren..t as good, but easy...... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they..re amazing. They just have to wait for the right woman to come along - the one who..s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.....
In my case, I'm type of man who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on me, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, looking all cute. Waits for kisses but is happy enough just to be able to kiss you on your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you, thats just simply me. In the end Im just hope someone see me for me on the inside instend of the out. Xox ;)
MY RESPONSE:
..o! WHERE DO I BEGIN?!
Let's see...he keeps talking about this "hamptons' house...clearly he has money...that in itself is a HUGE turnon to golddiggers like me and most other women...but then...we see the tradeoff...
He a house in the hamptons and an apt in williamsburg and he tells me that he is a 'down to earth' person. I'll bet he has a Deadhead sticker on his Cadallac as well... He's a 'hopeless romantic' and in the same paragraph he writes that you can " almost always find me salsa dancing NAKED!! . . after a shower.. checking out da goods in my mirror..."
I think i just threw up in my mouth a little bit with that image.
Clearly he is a hopeless romantic when it comes to looking at floppy dicks (at least his own floppy dick) dance around in front of him. In which case I dont think i have the correct 'plumbing' suitable to ignite his true passion.
He rides a crotchrocket...blech...'moving roadkill'-that's what i call those assholes.
And WTF is up with this 'i'm latin' crap. Yeah, okay, first people get allll upset because people use 'stereotypes' to describe different ethnicities...and then we have jackasses like this douche going 'well, i'm latin so OBVIOUSLY that means
WOOWWWW he drinks protein shakes-and LOOK! HE'S EVEN READING ME THE NUTRITION FACTS OFF THE LABEL! Golly! i can't wait to go on a date with him!
Then he puts shit that he got in some e-mail chain letter in the middle of his profile. SO the piece of shit spam that was sent to your inbox 8 years ago that you didn't want to read then has become the piece of shit spam on a dating site that you don't want to read now.
'
Then we have his closing paragraph '...blah blah blah call you beautiful instead of hot'.
No you didn't asshole, you called me 'cutie'...and there are many words i would use to describe me but none of them are in the 'cute' family.
type of guy who 'calls you back when you hang up on me'. FUCKER! I HUNG UP ON YOU FOR A REASON!! I dont want your stupid ass calling and calling back and leaving messages like '...but i want to talk to you...but...i love you...and i understand and i want to TALK TO YOU'
I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU...CREEP!!!
I once had a creepy sociopath that i was seeing do that to me. If he wanted to talk to me and i hung up on him he would call...and call...and call...and his voicemails would get progressively meaner..and meaner...and the next thing you know i was scared to leave the house without full armor. *shudder* thanks for the warning wackadoodle...
"waits for kisses....kiss you on the forehead"
"show you off to the world...you are in sweats"
"holds your hand in front of his friends"
blah blah blah blah BLAHBLHABLHJDFJKLHNDSAFOIHSFD
YUK!!! this whole page offends me!!
I read this guy to be some douchebag who is like 'i'm awesome and i'm great and you belong to me...and i'm needy and clingy and needy and please like me...please...i'm lonely...and...i wish i had a friend...but i'm awesome...and i'm fat free...Patrick Bateman is my homeboy...wait here while i get my rain poncho..."
His Idea of a FIRST DATE:
Whatever we would like to do thats fun,... maybe have dinner afterwards go for a nice walk and talk. Get to know each other better and give me a chance to tell you silly jokes =)
OOHOOOHOOOHHHH
I have a silly joke for you: I think you're attractive and the 'one' for me!! <3 <3
NOOOTTTTTTTT
Now take your hair gel and your static cling and please...forget i existed
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