Where else can you find a day where its perfectly acceptable to be a complete hermit?
No need for my cutting tongue of doom today! I'm not going to deal with people and, in return, nobody is going to bother me...how nice....i can finally put away my axe and focus only on my ferrets, on cleaning and catching up on much needed sleep...
Oh, i suppose i should check my online dating accounts, huh?
dun....Dun....DUNNNNNNNNN.....!!
What a shocker...
The Guilty: KARMANY
The Offense:
He should be thanking whatever god(s) he believes in because i would probably push him into a wood chipper and feed his hairy pureed remains to hungry piggies...
THE MESSAGE:
Subject: ...
Body: "i'm just wondering how come u are a single...oh yeah u said dont text me i text first thats why u are a little bit egoist good luck ..."
Dude, who the fuck are you?
Oh, that's right...here we have a classic case of 'this girl/guy is out of my league....i'm going to now insult them because they don't lower their standards. i may be an ugly loser who can't speak english well but its HER LOSS'
**on okcupid they post how well you speak whatever languages...you...speak---so he wrote that he speaks English "poorly". Hence, it's not my assumption.
But this case is a little different. You see, the guilty party is from Turkey...so it could be a cultural thing...which makes me even MORE pissed off.
I.
HATE.
MALE CHAUVINISM.
I dont care if its your 'culture' or your 'religion' or just the way you think...if you think that i have less rights or freedoms because i have a vagina then you deserve to be castrated.
End of story.
MY RESPONSE
I know what you're thinking: "Well, Dauphine...what did you write on your page to make this guy write you this letter?"
Well, i'm glad you asked...let's take a look at my page and see what could have pushed this poor fellow over the boundaries of 'if you've got nothing nice to say DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL'. I guess they dont have Bambi in turkey...
My Profile:
about me: " I work in the theatre...that gives me the green light to be a complete eccentric...which I am.
I walk to the beat of my own drum regardless of what people say...and yes, i love it"
I'm really good at: being myself
Favorite books, music..etc: "blah blah blah 80's 80's metal...i hate rap...and if one more person tells me 'you look like Lady Gaga' i am going to punch you in the face"
You should message me if: "you don't expect a response.
no, seriously, don't message me unless I message you first. You can try but don't say I didn't warn you.
Yeah, Im picky...and that tends to make me a 'bitch'. If you do decide to write me and i don't write back its nothing PERSONAL...im just not wasting either of our precious time. I'm a free spirit and I'm enjoying life...I am in NO rush (nor am i even feeling the desire) to be in any type of relationship.
oh yeah, and sending me hate mail does nothing for your cause...it just makes you look desperate and it makes me laugh. "
Alright Alright...
so maybe i threatened bodily harm with the lady gaga thing...but that was only because people were like 'hey, did anyone ever tell you you look lik elady gaga?" as if that would get my attention and thus get them in my pants.
Well, i fooled them...Lady GaGa doesn't even WEAR pants! HA!
Seriously though,
my profile was honest and to the point. I didn't write anything about my love of life and how i want babies and how i love my family and the yankees and how i love to drink and how i want true love...blah blah blah...
I'm a bitch. Cold and simple...now bugger off and leave me be.
HIS PROFILE
Well, maybe there was something in my profile that offended him so...besides my warning about not getting a response...hmm...let's take a peek.
My Self Summary: "I enjoy meeting new people and can tell that I am not a difficult person.. I'd like to spend time with my friends and have so much fun with them; that's my favorite. I am looking forward to meeting new people maybe someone special who knows?"
Translation: well, based on his introductory e-mail that was sent to me I am going to say that he is a liar and a wife beater.
I'm Really Good At: "cooking..."
Translation: he can't afford to go out. Let me guess...he makes a 'mean' casserole and his ramen is 'out of this world'.
Six things i could never do without:
"oxygen
underwear
sleep
boot in this weather
sun
phone "
Translation: hmmm.....all this mentioning of superfluous shit can mean only one thing: a wannabe serial killer with OCD
You Should Message Me if: "u want to..."
NOT WITH THAT LOUSY ATTITUDE, MISTER.
Wow...a city full of creeps and i get the one with no personality at all.
AND, HE WEARS A DOUCHEY HAT AND POSES IN THE MIDDLE OF A NYC STREET!
Exhibit A:
He's even STANDING LIKE A DOUCHEBAG!
I mean, Look at him...he's like 'Damn, i'm badass in my hipster canal street fedora that is too small for my head...just look at me. I'm standing in the street. Yeah, I'm a smoooooth operator'.
My (written) RESPONSE:
Yes indeed...this fellow deserved a response...after all he did manage to keep my vagina squeaky clean with his stale, douchy existance.
I wrote:
"you know that part about 'dont text me'? that was meant for assholes like you with nothing good to say. Maybe if you understood English you would have gotten that, now fuck off.
Good luck, douche."
*send*
*BLOCK*
HA HA!!!! I love getting the last word in. Even if that means being immature and blocking the immature bastard who started this stupidity.
But hey...just remember this the next time you are in Istanbul (not Constantinople)
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