IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

BABY JESUS HAS SMILED HIS TOOTHLESS GRIN UPON US!

Ladies and Gentlemen...On behalf of all of us here at Morbid Memoirs I would like to thank you for praying to the sadistic god of your choice because our boy from the previous thread, Mr Ex-Military stalkerboy, is back.

THIS TIME with a shorter, more pathetic e-mail AND a *NEW AND IMPROVED* profile!  Let's take a look.

THE GUILTY: RJSinger....again

THE OFFENSE:
FOUR BACK-TO-BACK E-MAILS WITHOUT ANY RESPONSE FROM ME

Date: 11/5/11
Time: 2:31am (approx 2 days and 11 hours from the last e-mail he wrote that i didn't respond to)

Subject: Hi
Body: "So I take it you lost interest?"

MY RESPONSE:
YES!
I wonder what part made him think that i was no longer 'interested'. Was it my lack of communication? Or maybe the absense of any and all efforts on my behalf to engage in a conversation on the slightest magnitude...
Basically the only 'interest' that was shown to him was before i got to know anything about him. So...I guess...
Yes, Mr Man...I was slightly 'interested'...and then you told me about yourself.

TRANSLATION:
FIND ANOTHER GIRL TO SEND STALKER E-MAILS TO.

however, my spider sense is telling me that this won't be the last we hear of Singer...no...something tells me there has tobe AT LEAST one more message from him in the post.

But, while we're still on this subject...I would like to point out that our boy took a step in the BIG BOY direction...he UPDATED HIS PROFILE!

As you may recall his last "about me" section was nothing more than a drawn out "hah"...because Ladies Love that shit...so mature and informative.

THE NEW AND IMPROVED PROFILE
"About Me: I guess I should share some info. I am a veteran. I love my country and served for my freedom. I am very laid back. Life is too short to not be. Some things I do... I write, I read,  I surf, I enjoy being outside with Mother Nature. I take care of my body. I am an artist and a music lover; they both influence my life. Some things I don't do... I don't find the need to be in a bar every night, or that much in general. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good live band and a glass of fine whiskey from time to time, but I desire more out of life than being "THAT GUY". I don't do clubs, just not my thing. If you are my girl and I want to make you happy, then exceptions can always be made. I don't wear trendy clothing. I enjoy t-shirts and jeans unless I need to clean up for the night. I don't fake bake. I don't wax any part of my body. Don't get me wrong, I manscape... but I AM A MAN. I don't litter, nor do I tolerate it. This world was here before us and is far more powerful... respect it. I am not here to get laid or hook up or whatever the rest of these idiot Long Island Guidos are doing... I AM NOT THE NORM. I am attractive and cultured enough to get laid without needing a website. I am looking for someone I can make some good memories with. Someone that I can write for days about. I don't need other's drama in my life, so please leave it where it belongs... IN YOUR PAST. OHHH and one more thing... I am more than 30% covered in beautiful ink... leg sleeved from hip to toes, arm sleeved from shoulder to wrist, ribs done (well, still working on it), other shoulder done....and a few more. IF YOU DONT LIKE TATTOOS, MOVE ON... it isn't going to work"

 

My Response:
This is what i'm talking about....if i would have read this when he FIRST contacted me it would have gone a little something like this:

FIRST OFFENSE:
Too Preachy...this whole 'i love my country" and 'i love the earth' 'i am a man' wah wah wah...i feel like i'm being scolded for something I didn't do. I mean, i'm not going to lie...i feel like he's about to shove my nose in a big pile of dog doo....

SECOND OFFENSE:
"...manscape..."
Did he SERIOUSLY just use that in his profile...?
[looks again]
yes...yes he did. Okay, I like my men shaved.
 I dont like big hairy Wookies of men and their funny looking dicks that appear to 'sprout' forth from the groin. *shudder*
 Hey you 'MAN' DO YOU LIKE PULLING HAIR OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? NO! Well, I dont either. There is nothing sexy about trying to get that annoyhing hair out of your mouth mid-action....or the feeling that youjust can't get the fucker because its tickling your throat and you're trying to pretend like you are totally into nothing but the sex but YOU'RE FIXATED ON THIS GROSS PUBE STUCK IN YOUR MOUTH...GAGGING...REFLEX...TAKES...HOLD...
In short: fuck you and that tank you rode in on and have a little consideration for your partner--SHAVE THAT SHIT.
**this has been a message from your local chapter of the hairless beaver and balls organization.

THIRD OFFENSE:
Yes, i have tattoos and piercings but here comes the BIG CATCH: I dont like guys with multiple tattoos. Every once in a while I will come across a guy that, for one reason or another, i find attractive regardless of his amounts of modification. The fact that this guy is very 'roar roar roar TATTOOS' leads me to believe that he is one of those annoying guys who are like 'oh hey...do I OFFEND YOU? I mean...I have...TATTOOS?! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!!'
Come on, you know you can totally see that crazy angsty side coming out...(see previous post for more examples of this guy's angst).

THE ULTIMATE FAIL

OBSESSION

I had to add a new category for this douche. I mean, MAYYYBBBBEEEE I could see giving him a shot if he was at least sweet and relaxed. BUT NO! he fucking lived on that inbox and was refreshing it like a fiend. DUDE, ENOUGH ALREADY!

Let this be a lesson to you Mr Singer: If the lady you are chasing appears to 'fall off the face of the earth'...you've been e-dumped.

It's cruel and yes, it can hurt...but you can pick of the pieces and try not to think of what went wrong and what 'could have been'. Just think about you...and how you need to lessen your axe-murderlike qualities.

Baby Jesus is going back to sleep now.